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in between
Jan. 31st, 2011 08:15 pmI was trying to look up a link today I saw on my Twitter timeline from a short while ago. Since my timeline is pretty crazed, the link was buried. Naturally, I tried using my work computer because scrolling & scrolling on my phone was making me nutty .... aaaand I got a 403 Forbidden error. Awesome. Blocked.
I've been feeling pretty weird lately. One minute everything is awesome & shiny & wonderful, the next, I'm this close to tears. Hormones + Winter Blahs? Probably. I just want to go ... somewhere. I think I'm in a major rut. What I really need to go is get back to a proper meditation routine + yoga. I feel ... lost. I'm even considering making/getting a mala in order to sit longer. My maximum is roughly 30 minutes. Then, my brain goes absolutely haywire, my feet are so far asleep, and I'm convinced I'm going to die if I don't get up/move. I know that is just monkey mind, but seriously. I just don't know how to get along with these obstacles.
This is from my yoga teacher training essay (it's in blue because at the time, I'd run out of black ink in my printer):
I was raised in a household that thought religion &/or spirituality were negative & limiting because of my parents’ bad experiences. From their distaste, I was taught that people were weak or sheep if they believed in what they were told to believe in without questioning it. Yet, I was always told that when I was 18, I could ‘be’ whatever faith I felt the most affinity with. It was not surprising to me that nothing really seemed to fit properly. It was very difficult to go through my teen years without having a label to hide behind. A lot of my friends during this time tried to get me to come to their church. People seemed to assume it was their job to ‘help’ me in this way which only reinforced the views my parents had expressed to me that religion was suspect. During this year of practice, I have been surprised to discover a burgeoning spirituality unfolding inside me, and that there is nothing wrong with having spirituality or ritual enter my life. I didn’t know I was thirsty until I drank.
Right now, I will make do with a big cup of tea.
I've been feeling pretty weird lately. One minute everything is awesome & shiny & wonderful, the next, I'm this close to tears. Hormones + Winter Blahs? Probably. I just want to go ... somewhere. I think I'm in a major rut. What I really need to go is get back to a proper meditation routine + yoga. I feel ... lost. I'm even considering making/getting a mala in order to sit longer. My maximum is roughly 30 minutes. Then, my brain goes absolutely haywire, my feet are so far asleep, and I'm convinced I'm going to die if I don't get up/move. I know that is just monkey mind, but seriously. I just don't know how to get along with these obstacles.
This is from my yoga teacher training essay (it's in blue because at the time, I'd run out of black ink in my printer):
I was raised in a household that thought religion &/or spirituality were negative & limiting because of my parents’ bad experiences. From their distaste, I was taught that people were weak or sheep if they believed in what they were told to believe in without questioning it. Yet, I was always told that when I was 18, I could ‘be’ whatever faith I felt the most affinity with. It was not surprising to me that nothing really seemed to fit properly. It was very difficult to go through my teen years without having a label to hide behind. A lot of my friends during this time tried to get me to come to their church. People seemed to assume it was their job to ‘help’ me in this way which only reinforced the views my parents had expressed to me that religion was suspect. During this year of practice, I have been surprised to discover a burgeoning spirituality unfolding inside me, and that there is nothing wrong with having spirituality or ritual enter my life. I didn’t know I was thirsty until I drank.
There is always enough. Enough time, enough food, enough love. Sometimes you have to give those things away in order to receive them.
When I allow myself to be vulnerable, I am actually quite powerful.
Now I feel like crying again. I think I was right in picking 'love' as my word of the year. Even though I do tend to fall in love at the drop of a hat. With the colour of sunlight at 4 pm, or that ecstatic feeling of a huge rainstorm. Ahh. That's what I need. A big old rainy day.Right now, I will make do with a big cup of tea.