slowlyunfolding: (Default)
2015-01-01 07:37 pm

sticky post.

Hello. You've found me. Perhaps you've stumbled in here randomly, or perhaps not. It's nice that you here. Welcome.

I'm sticky posting this post at the front of my journal as a post-in-progress. I will add to it as the fit strikes me. It may give you some insight on what kind of person I am, but mostly, it will probably be confusing if you chance upon it.

I do hope you will put your feet up, have a cup of tea & stay a while. Yes, please put your feet on the furniture. I'm not fancy.

Aspirations. To Do List. Stuff. Not to be Forgotten. Possibly inspired by music, the dullness of waking at 4 am, the burn of cinnamon on the back of my throat, or Momentary Fragments.

there are things hiding in here )
slowlyunfolding: (into the blue)
2011-12-04 07:42 pm

oh, hello.

 I never know if LJ is down. I keep seeing updates on Twitter that it's under attack, again & again. So here I am. *waves madly* I've missed everyone! 

Sorry for the extended radio silence. 2011 has been one lousy year. I haven't had the ability to articulate in words what has been going on. I've been madly doodling & painting in my art journal. Just this weekend I feel like I have a bit of a grip on things. 

The mister had a car accident in February. His right kneecap was broken & required surgery. Months of recovery. Huge amounts of stress & strain, both emotionally & financially.

Now, it turns out he will require heart surgery to repair and/or replace his aortic valve. This issue isn't related to the car accident. He has known about his faulty valve for years, but neither one of us expected him to need surgery now. I always assumed it would be in his '50's. So, yay, more stress & strain. Neither one of us have quite recovered from the car accident stress yet. Just as I was starting to relax too, BAM. Hit with this news. Next week, the mister goes in for an angiogram. 

Sigh. Some years are smooth sailing, some, not so much. 




slowlyunfolding: (Default)
2011-04-06 10:31 pm

(no subject)

For the past 2 days, every time I've come to LJ, my firewall/virus software has popped up with a warning that it blocked an intrusion attempt. I wonder if this is part of the DDOS attacks lately?? So, if you don't have firewall/virus software, & have been on LJ, I highly suggest you scan your computer & get a firewall/virus program before coming back to LJ.

I'm currently backing up to Dreamwidth. I'm there as 'slowlyunfolding' ... I'm not jumping ship yet, but I'm worried about LJ going down permanently.
slowlyunfolding: (solitude - finding my own path)
2011-04-05 09:08 pm

(no subject)

I think I'm coming back around. It's slow, this realizing that my little furball is no longer here. I 'saw' her twice over the weekend. Once just sitting like she always did looking into the kitchen when I would be in there. She always pretended that she didn't care I was near all the food, & tried to play cool. Then, I 'saw' her again, curled up on my bed. Startling, just as I was getting ready for bed. The mister said he 'saw' her too. I don't think I was imagining it either. I 'saw' the mister's nan sitting at the kitchen table with a coffee cup in front of her & a cigarette in her hand the night the hospital turned her machines off. So, yeah, not imagining.

What's going on the the DDOS attacks lately? Why? Knock it off already!

Spring is shy this year. She keeps peeping out from behind clouds & snow, but ends up darting back to hide once more.

My birthday is coming up soon! I'm happy about it, but also a bit sad. I guess the mister & I could go out for dinner. With his accident and all, it's definitely not how I pictured celebrating my birthday. I wanted to do something a bit ... more. I'm feeling very emotional lately.

slowlyunfolding: (grace)
2011-04-03 08:26 pm

[ ... ]


I long for colour, for sun to warm my skin, feel the layers of wool fall away from my shoulders & allow my body to be loose & free.
(I took this photo with my phone & added effects to it. The remaining photos I found on the internets.)

more photos ... )




 
slowlyunfolding: (lotus)
2011-03-31 08:27 am

(no subject)

I'm so glad that it is Thursday, since that is the day that comes before Friday which comes before Saturday! Yay weekend. The mister was getting on my nerves a bit last night. He was excited about his results from the fracture clinic & was bouncing around the apartment. He'd also had a lot of coffee too, which added more bounce to the bouncing. He'll be off for another 6 weeks. Physio starts soon, he has to call to set up an appointment. But he's healing. Yes!

So, I went into the bedroom to get away from the mister & finished reading The Dhammapada last night. I haven't read the commentary to the text yet, but I'm waffling on if it is even necessary. I want the text in my head, not the commentary. I've been trying to finish it for years, and now just seemed like the time. I took The Tibetan Book of the Dead off the bookshelf again about two weeks ago, but, it feels too raw of a time for me to start dipping into it. I dip in, and then back off. I'm tired of doing that with all my books. It's a thing.

So far 2011 has been an incredibly hard & emotional year. The peaks between high & low are so far apart, they can hardly be seen from either vantage point. I am grateful for all that I have. I do feel incredibly lucky since I am loved, have shelter & food to put into my belly whenever I want. But my heart hurts, & I am tired of feeling like the rug keeps getting pulled out from under me every time I get up again.
slowlyunfolding: (exposed heart (art by audrey kawasaki))
2011-03-29 05:33 pm

RIP, Miss Mew (August 1994 - March 2011)



Here's the little furball sleeping on my pillow.
slowlyunfolding: (exposed heart (art by audrey kawasaki))
2011-03-28 09:05 pm
Entry tags:

love

I think Miss Mew has had a stroke. Her back legs aren't working, & her front legs aren't really working either. Her motor skills are minimal at this point. She's able to hold her head up for a little bit, but mostly she's just lying down.

We tried tempting her to eat yesterday with some tuna, and she refused it. First time she's never wanted tuna. She's stopped drinking now too. I took her to her bowl & she wasn't interested.

The mister called the vet today with her symptoms & they agreed that it is very likely a stroke that happened. We are just trying to make her comfortable for now. I've had her since 1994, when I was in university. I am so grateful for being gifted with her presence in my life. I've had a bit of a cry after cuddling with her.

I know what we have to do, but we're not ready.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

slowlyunfolding: (tea!)
2011-03-26 11:55 am

saturday, thus far

Woke up around 7:45 am, which is sleeping in for me. I remember being able to sleep in when I was younger, but not so much anymore. I then wandered around my apartment for a bit, then started laundry around 8:30 am. I've got the last load in the dryer now. Yay! Another neighbour has started his wash, so it's a lucky thing that I'm almost done.

I bought new towels, pillowcases & a gorgeous black & white sheet set last night. Most of my stuff is ancient. I'm not even remotely kidding. Most of my pillowcases and sheets are actually older than me! Right before the mister's accident, I managed to rip my pillowcase in half with the lightest touch. I was sad because it had beautiful embroidery.

The cotton on all the linens I just bought is so soft, it almost feels like silk. It will be nice for sleeping on in the summer when I tend to wear very little, if anything, to bed. I can't stand scratchy linens. Obviously, I had to wash everything before it could be used to get that plastic-y store smell out. My old towels just don't dry, not even in the stupid dryer. Not a good feature for towels.

During the last load of laundry, I managed to prepare both mine & the mister's taxes. They are ready to be filed. Yay refund! 

So productive on a Saturday. It's a bit frightening!
slowlyunfolding: (secret world (neil gaiman))
2011-03-24 10:34 pm

more from the art journal

I'm quite tired from this week. I think it's the going back into a regular schedule and going to work and being a complete & total spaz each and every day and not sleeping well that's throwing me off. Also, it frigging snowed AGAIN, and that has me grumpy.

 
one image is NSFW. doodles & boobies!  )


And, so, I have come full circle in just these four pages, through a multitude of emotions back to equilibrium. Back to myself. I'm coming to realize how deep art journaling allows me surrender to the flow of what is actually, really, honestly happening in my life.
It's frightening & liberating.
slowlyunfolding: (sexy times)
2011-03-21 09:02 pm

art journal



Click to embiggen.
slowlyunfolding: (jar of fireflies)
2011-03-19 03:15 pm

...

Yay! Housework has been accomplished! I delighted in listening to the sound of junk clicking up the vacuum, which is the only enjoyable part of vacuuming. Laundry is done & put away. I should be rewarded with chocolate and back rubs.

I definitely need to change my nail polish on my toes. The turquoise is done. I'm thinking it's time for some black. I am highly impressed with Rimmel's nailpolish. It didn't chip off at all! Crazy. That's never happened before. Maybe I have found a nailpolish I can wear on my fingernails for more than 2 days before it gets wrecked somehow.

Boring entry is boring.
slowlyunfolding: (exposed heart (art by audrey kawasaki))
2011-03-19 02:04 am

retail therapy

I went to the mall today. I was a bit stir crazy from not leaving the house at all on Thursday due to the awful dizzies. I still feel a bit headachy & in need of a neck/back rub. 

I had been looking at this purse online for a couple of days and drooling. I wanted to see if it was in store to grope it and fondle it and clutch it to my bosom. I'm all about the touching. Take that as you will. It was in store AND on sale. Holy crap. It's not on sale online!


Isn't she beautiful? I love it. It comes with an adjustable strap that can be worn crossbody as well. That will come in handy when I go back to taking the bus when the mister has recovered. However, the bus is not as crowded during the summer since most students will be off and/or the university students will be on a different schedule if they are doing summer classes. I may even be able to grab a seat! Oh, small joys. I know this is silly to be happy about a stupid purse, but lo, it makes me happy. I will accept happy in my life right now.

I did a little bit of looking around at the mall. I was kind of hoping to find a denim skirt, but I was foiled. I saw some teeny tiny skirts that really looked like large belts to my old & jaded eyes. Then, I looked at some pretty scarves, but none that I really liked. Also, wearing a scarf in the summer is a bit silly for me. I'm always too hot! I had brought the mister with me to get him out of the house, and I knew he was exhausted, so I had to bail. He was already 'done' with the mall & was outside smoking his face off.

We picked up some McDonald's, came home, ate, watched some Buffy, did the dishes, I had a nap on the couch, the mister tried to Skype with V in Japan (he didn't have the headset plugged in, nor could figure it out), watched more Buffy, I cleaned the litter box, fed the cat. Seems like quite a full day! Very glamourous & sexy! As if I could ever pull either one of those qualities off.

Only two more days left and my holiday is over. *sad face* I am going to have to get back on a proper schedule so I can manage to get to work on time. I don't think flouncing in at 11 am will go over that well. Oh, hello 2:00 am. Uh, what was I saying about a proper schedule?
slowlyunfolding: (cleverly disguised)
2011-03-18 12:24 pm

stuff to do

  • Return old license plates today the mister will get $50 back for returning his old plates.
  • Have a shower
  • Eat something
  • Wash the dishes
  • Vacuum the carpet
  • Laundry
  • Watch a comfy movie (not quite a movie ... but I think watching Buffy counts as comfy)
  • Read
  • Play in art journal even MOAR
  • Breathe deeply
  • Relax
  • Play outside If sitting in the car in Victoria Park counts as playing & being outside, then this item has been accomplished!
slowlyunfolding: (tea!)
2011-03-15 07:39 pm

(no subject)

Finally went grocery shopping today. It was tiring. Mostly avoiding the one lady that seemed to want to play ram-the-cart through the entire store with me, but still, I was over an hour wandering the aisles. I didn't go shopping last week so we were really low on supplies. That means I spent a frigging ton of cash. Gah.

I made the bestest breakfast ever today. Bacon & omellettes! I'm a bit worried about the mister not getting proper food into him. So I got bossy today & made him eat. It wasn't hard! I was super picky about food as a kid. So, I never ate eggs (unless they were deviled or egg salad), and I never ate cheese of any kind. Seriously. The last time I recall eating cheese, I was at nursery school thinking, "I do not like this very much." and I didn't eat cheese again until I was 17 or 18 ... on pizza I think. Yeah, I refused to eat pizza unless it was what my mom made. She used to cook hamburger, onion & celery & pile it on one of those Kraft pizza mix things. Without cheese for me. I tried to explain to her that this was not in fact, pizza, but some weird other concotion only she dreamed up, but she would never listen to me. It was good, but it was most definitely not pizza. Nowadays, I will eat cheese, but it has to be cooked/baked/melted in some way. So the fact that I made omellettes this morning (eggs & cheese comingling together!) & LIKED it, well, it blew my mind. It's awesome to have more options on stuff to eat available to me.  I used to get so worked up & stressed about food.

Um, did I just write an entire paragraph about food?

The weather is all wonky & it's making my left knee ache. The snow seems to be melting! Melting! I'm sure it's going to snow again though, so I'm not going to get sucked into thinking Spring is really here yet. I went out with my long cardigan on instead of a jacket + scarf, and that felt really amazing. I really really want to go shopping for pretty shirts or new pair of pants/capris, but it's not in the budget at the moment. I'll have to wait. Plus, since I've been really hardcore on bringing my lunch to work 4 days out of 5, I am losing weight. Most of my fall/winter pants don't fit at all. It's getting to the point that I'm going to have to figure out how to use my sewing machine. I am scared to wind bobbins. Once I get over that fear, I know how to roll. Mostly.
slowlyunfolding: (Default)
2011-03-13 10:58 am

My current default state right now is overwhelmed. With everything.

I'm very worried about friends in Japan. They keep sending out emails to let everyone know what's going on, but rolling blackouts mean contact is sporadic. I'm sure the information they are getting is also spotty & incomplete. The devastation is just too much to comprehend.

Amazing news from Random Acts & The Hope to Haiti project. I can't really process this right now, except to say I think it's awesome & inspiring.

On the homefront, I am mostly caught up on my sleep. The cat seems to be liking her new litter box (yes, I bought another one), and changed her wet food, which she noms before I can finish scooping it into her bowl. I will take her to the vet, but just trying to book an appointment is also taxing my ability to cope with more stress right now. I really can't take any more at the moment, or I might shut down.

slowlyunfolding: (jar of fireflies)
2011-03-09 08:34 am

whoa.

I woke up about 5:40 am, slightly confused & bewildered. It took me at least 5 minutes to realize that the mister wasn't in bed with me anymore. I had piled on a lot of blankets on my side of the bed, & with the electric blanket on, I don't get cold without his body heat melting me. It turns out he needed some Advil, & was afraid to come back to bed afterwards. I got a little insane about the sleep interruption thing that's been happening every.single.night since the mister came back from the hospital. The mister decided the best thing to do was to sleep the rest of the night on the couch. Yay! He's using his noggin!! By 7:30 am, I'd spent over an hour cleaning - dishes & litter box & puddles of cat pee.

The cat is driving me insane. She keeps peeing on the floor, instead of in her litter box. Little jerk. I even bought her a new litter box! But, I don't think she likes it. Perhaps having the mister home everyday is upsetting her sense of routine & order. She's old too, almost 17, so, it's not a surprise that any kind of change throws her off. Or, she's simply being a teenager & giving me attitude. I just moved her food & water (which sits on a cutting board we bought just for this purpose), over to the other side of the kitchen near one of the other spots she likes to pee in. I cleaned this area with Nature's Miracle to get her smell out. Not sure if it's working, since she keeps going back to these areas. I think I need to strip the floor with TSP or a flamethrower & put down a new floor. Either peel & stick tiles or sheet vinyl, but something. I can't ever get the kitchen/hall floor properly clean since the surface has already been partly stripped with overly harsh floor cleaners. Not looking forward to moving everything in the kitchen & hall closets, but obviously, it will have to be done.
slowlyunfolding: (grace)
2011-03-08 08:30 pm

stuff

Tomorrow I take the mister to the fracture clinic for his post-op check up. Here's hoping that I don't hit any potholes (which cause a lot of pain for the mister) and that whatever the doctor has to do doesn't cause a lot of pain. Not looking forward to hanging out at the hospital because I hate all hospitals, & the paying ridiculous amounts of money for parking.

I work Thursday + Friday, then I'm on holidays for a week! Woot. I honestly can't remember the last time I took time off as vacation. I really need some rest & relaxation. I don't even know what to do with myself for a whole week. Perhaps I will finally be able to read some books! They have been stacking up around here. Go for a drive! Be outside!! Go for a walk! Ah, yes.

I'm already yawning my head off & it's barely past 8 pm. I'm so over feeling dragged out, overwhelmed and slightly anxious. Not being able to get an uninterrupted night of sleep is definitely playing havoc with my emotions. I'm getting snappy & irritated very easily. Yet at the same time, I've calmed down a lot. I was breaking out in hives a little last week from the stress/anxiety.

I still have last week's Supernatural episode to watch. I might just save it for the weekend.

*insert another jaw cracking yawn here*
slowlyunfolding: (grace)
2011-03-06 11:06 pm

...

I'm about to slide into bed in a few minutes. I'm utterly drained. I think all the stress & worry have caught up to me. I'm not trying to get everything done on the weekend. It's just too exhausting. I didn't get laundry done on Saturday since I had to tidy up the apartment for visitors in the afternoon. I did go a little berserk on the cleaning up part, then I forced myself out to get a new litterbox for the cat & a candle for the bedroom. I really should have just gone back to bed for an hour or so, but no, I am stubborn. I just had to be out of the apartment & alone for a few hours.

I didn't bother with groceries today either. I figure we have enough food in the fridge/freezer for the next few days. I'm down with taking my lunch to work everyday now. When I get home at night, I do not like dropping my bag & barely getting my boots off & starting in on making dinner straight away. I find that is stressing me out a fair bit. I need at least half an hour after coming home to sit down & unwind. Not chat, or rush around & get things, but just sit still & decompress. I'm having trouble allowing myself to fully relax since I feel like I'm being pulled in a few different directions at once.